Human
by JolinarJackson
Summary: After the cannibals, Jack needs company ... and maybe absolution.


**Human**

_Word Count: _~ 4.700

_Summary: _After the cannibals, Jack needs company ... and maybe absolution.

_Characters: _Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

_Pairing: _Jack/Ianto

_Rating: _NC-17

_Spoiler: Cyber Woman, Countrycide_

_Setting: _after _Countrycide_

_Warnings: _slight **dub-con**, sex, language

_Author's Note: _Written for Eleanor Harkness-Jones who wanted an add-on for _Yesterday's News_. This story turned out to be a bit more than that.

_Beta: _Eleanor Harkness-Jones and Vistin (for the German version), thanks!

_Disclaimer: _I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show _Torchwood _and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

XXX

When Jack entered the bathroom, Ianto was sitting on the edge of his tub, staring at the white-tiled floor. There was a towel wrapped around his waist and another one lying over his head, hiding his hair. Jack smelled shampoo, shower-gel, aftershave and toothpaste. He saw a crumpled mess of bloodied, filthy clothes in one corner of the room. Ianto's chest was an angry echo of what had happened to them last night – bruises, abrasions and scratches marring pale skin. His wrists were red and the corners of his mouth sore from the gag. The cut just beneath his hairline and the other matching one above his eye were just dark-red lines now, clean and disinfected. The black eye was just beginning to show.

Ianto looked so tired and defeated that Jack's mind provided him with an image of Ianto's body cracking along the outlines of his wounds and then falling apart like a puzzle. He'd looked that way after Lisa's death, just without the wounds. It had been his mind that had been in pieces back then and Jack had watched him desperately trying to put it back together again by himself. Jack didn't think that he'd managed that. He felt as if there were pieces missing, but since Ianto seemed determined to keep him outside the walls he'd erected around himself, Jack couldn't do anything but let him be.

Jack let his arms hang at his sides and just stared at Ianto, taking in what he had done. Just as he'd watched Gwen slowly making her way up the stairs to her and Rhys' flat, one hand pressed to her side and her breathing a bit laboured. Just as he'd forced himself to look at Tosh when she'd sat on her couch and told him everything that had happened to her, tears rolling down her face. Just as he'd seen Owen get out a bottle of whisky, declaring that he was fine and getting ready to go on a pull and could Jack just leave already, for fuck's sake?

Jack had done this to his team. He'd been too pre-occupied getting the truth out of that cannibal bastard to realize that his team was in trouble. And if he hadn't got them out when he did … if he hadn't …

_Ianto raised his head. "Did you forget something, sir?" he asked and his voice was loud in this tiny, tiled room. It was a substitute for the question Ianto was too polite to ask. ___"You dropped me off hours ago. What are you doing here?"__

Jack swallowed and pasted on a small smile. "I thought you'd like to have some company."

Gwen had Rhys, Owen was out drinking and probably shagging a girl by now and Tosh had sent Jack away, telling him to look after Ianto. Jack wouldn't tell him that he was the last on his list.

Don't kick a man when he's down.

He really didn't want to be here, things were so…uncomfortable between them since Lisa. Not hostile but not as it used to be before, their attempts at fixing their friendship only half-hearted because they were both so proud and so guilty. Nevertheless, Jack needed the company – at least to himself, he could admit that he didn't want to be alone – and now that he was here, he was frankly a bit worried about Ianto sitting in his bathroom and staring at nothing. And maybe, just maybe, they were tired and shell-shocked enough to finally start mending their relationship for real.

"I'm fine, sir."

"I came all the way here; let me at least stay for a little while. I'll even cook."

XXX

_Owen, Tosh and Suzie had left a long time ago, but Ianto was still there, puttering around in the kitchen niche and picking up empty take-away cartons and candy wrappers with a big black bin bag clutched in his hand. Jack allowed himself to get distracted from the e-mail he was writing to UNIT. Ianto had been here one day and Jack was already glad he'd hired him. Requesting files beat going into the archives and looking for them himself. Coffee magically appeared on his desk in regular intervals. As a big plus, Ianto was cute. Jack had spent his lunch break imagining all the dirty things he could do to that neat man. He wondered if he should act on it. There had been something in the warehouse when Ianto had pinned him to the floor, but Ianto had extinguished the spark by getting up. Maybe Jack should drop some hints and see what happened._

_He watched Ianto approaching his office and pretended to look busy._

_Ianto knocked. "Sir, I'd like to leave. Is there anything I can do for you before I do?"_

_Jack smiled. "You could help me out with this e-mail."_

_Ianto nodded curtly and walked around the desk to stand behind Jack. He propped one hand on the desk and leaned forwards. His body heat warmed Jack's back. "Looks alright to me, sir."_

_"Are you sure?" Jack asked and turned his chair. He moved his legs to trap Ianto in-between, ignoring the questioning look he got for that. He noticed that Ianto didn't move away from him, though._

_"I'm sure," Ianto answered and turned to face Jack. "Anything else, sir?"_

_Jack got up and was now standing within Ianto's personal space. Still, Ianto didn't flinch away or tried to take a discreet step to the side. Jack took that as encouragement. He put his hands on Ianto's hips and stepped closer, pushing him against the desk. Ianto didn't move, he didn't even look him in the eyes. Maybe he was just shy._

_Jack kissed Ianto's cheek, nuzzling along the cheekbone and stopping just short of his lips. "I want you," he said._

_"That seems highly inappropriate, sir."_

_Jack chuckled. "I love how you talk. I wonder..." His lips brushed Ianto's chastely and his thigh pressed against Ianto's lap. "I wonder if you have a dirty mouth in bed. It's always the quiet ones that surprise you the most between the sheets." Jack's thigh applied more pressure and Ianto's breathing was becoming a bit laboured. "Let me find out," he whispered. He heard Ianto swallow thickly and kissed his flushed cheek. "Say no and I'll never talk about this again, I promise. This isn't in your job description."_

_"No, sir, it isn't," Ianto agreed. Finally, he met Jack's eyes. "Please step away from me, sir."_

_Disappointment welled up in Jack's chest, but he nodded and took a step back._

_Ianto cleared his throat and straightened his suit jacket. "I'll be going home now, sir."_

_"Alright, Ianto. See you tomorrow."_

__"Tomorrow, sir."__

XXX

Jack enjoyed cooking dinner. It had been a long time since he'd had the chance to do it, what with the Hub's kitchenette being everything but well equipped for preparing food that didn't come out of a box, but it was one of Jack's passions and it calmed him.

He saw Ianto lingering in the doorway out of the corner of his eye, but aside from giving him a glance to acknowledge his presence, he did nothing. Ianto seemed undecided, torn between wanting to help and leaving Jack alone. Between regaining their once easy companionship and building more walls to keep Jack out. By mute consent, they hadn't let the others see that their relationship was still damaged. Ianto was professional even when the others weren't around and Jack had given up on reaching out to him. Sometimes, though, Jack saw something in Ianto's eyes when he looked at him – sadness and affection wrapped up in longing. He hoped that that was a good sign.

Ianto was still standing in the doorway and finally, Jack had mercy. "Go and lie down," he said. "It will take a while."

XXX

_Jack pointed his Webley at the cardboard Weevil and shot several times in rapid succession, then he holstered the gun and took off the earmuffs to let them hang around his neck. He walked to the Weevil and had a look at his hits. When he turned back around, Ianto was standing next to the table where Jack had spread out a small arsenal._

_"Ianto," Jack said with a smile. "I didn't know you were going to practice tonight."_

_"I'm not."_

_Jack focused on the guns on the table, trying to decide which he should use next. He preferred his Webley, but it wouldn't do not to train with the other weapons they had at their disposal as well. He expected his team to be able to use them, so he should be, too. "Really, then why are you here?"_

_"Frankly?" Ianto sounded nervous and when Jack met his eyes, he saw uncertainty. "To take you up on your offer from the other day."_

_Jack was surprised. Sure, the last few weeks he had noticed that Ianto had become even more withdrawn than he'd already been, but he thought that Ianto maybe was just a bit freaked out by Jack coming on to him and that he would regain his equilibrium eventually. He hadn't expected this._

_He put his hands on his hips. "Why?"_

_Ianto's eyes flitted away, showing his reluctance to answer._

_Jack didn't want to push him, so he added belatedly, "If you don't mind me asking."_

_"Actually, I do. I just...changed my mind."_

_Jack smiled and leaned against the table casually. "Have you ever been with a man before, Ianto?"_

_Ianto blushed. "Is that important?"_

_"Is that a no?"_

_Ianto heaved a sigh. "Never mind." He turned to go._

_Jack grabbed his arm. "Hey, what are you doing?" He chuckled in bemusement and pressed his body to Ianto's, encircling his waist with his arms. "It was just a question. It's important to me to know. I like to know what to expect." He nuzzled Ianto's cheek and noticed that he was avoiding his eyes – just like in Jack's office a few days ago._

_Normally, he wouldn't ask. He would take what was being offered so willingly and not care about the reasons, but something seemed off about this. "What made you change your mind?" he asked. Ianto looked at him. He seemed ashamed of something and miserable, and Jack couldn't quite work out why at first, but then he remembered Ianto's girlfriend – Ianto's dead girlfriend. Suddenly, pressing him for answer seemed highly inappropriate. "I'm sorry," he said. He put a hand on Ianto's cheek and leaned in. "Forget I asked," he whispered against Ianto's lips and then he kissed him._

XXX

Jack had told Gwen once that he didn't sleep. In fact, he did, but it wasn't as if he needed it to stay alert. The only times he felt exhausted was when he just woke up from one of his countless deaths or because he recovered from an injury. Or because he was mentally tired out. He liked to lie down once in a while and just sleep, though, if only to escape the world without resorting to kill himself.

He felt tired right now, but he had to get going, because dinner was done and he should get Ianto. He set the small kitchen table and even fussed with a few napkins he'd found in one of Ianto's drawers, then he went to the living room. Ianto had passed out on the couch, still clutching the remote control. On the screen, Sandra Bullock was yelling at Hugh Grant. Carefully, Jack took the remote and switched off the telly, and then he tucked the blanket from the back of the couch around Ianto's still form and went back to the kitchen to turn off the stove.

XXX

_Even in bed, Ianto was quiet and reserved, as if he was afraid to let go, to let Jack see all of him. Jack let him take the lead for awhile, not wanting to pressure him to do anything he wasn't ready for – because Ianto had never been with another man before, Jack just knew that instinctively. Nevertheless, Ianto was a fast learner and an attentive lover. It didn't take him long to know how Jack liked to be kissed, where and how he wanted to be touched. And Jack, who prided himself on being a great lover, could see that Ianto craved this, wanted touch and heat and friction, but he didn't let go properly, as if his mind was trapped somewhere and this was just his body, doing what need, instinct and Jack's whispered words or guiding touches told him to do. So Jack flipped them around and pinned Ianto's body underneath. Ianto looked up at him, not putting up any kind of playful resistance. He was doing what he assumed Jack wanted him to do. As if his own needs weren't important. But he was aroused and breathless, cheeks flushed beautifully and pupils blown. He was enjoying himself – reluctantly._

_Jack was fascinated and that hadn't happened for a long time – at least not when he was with a lover. And he felt challenged._

_He leaned down and kissed Ianto, wondering just how far he was allowed to go before Ianto would tell him to stop. Penetration? Restraints? A blindfold? Oh, the possibilities!_

_He focused on Ianto's body language, carefully gauging what he liked and didn't like, becoming the explorer after he'd been explored plenty._

_Ianto gasped, closing his eyes and arching his back when Jack went down on him. He was startled when Jack started to prepare him with his fingers, but he didn't protest, just bit his lip and gave a whimper._

_Jack re-arranged Ianto's legs, encouraging him to wrap them around his waist. He was buying time for Ianto to say no, but Ianto didn't say a thing, he just held onto Jack's biceps with one hand, the other clenching the pillow under his head. Jack kissed him, freeing his bottom lip from the sharp teeth digging into it. He kept his lips pressed to Ianto's and waited for Ianto to open his eyes before breaching him slowly. Ianto groaned and his body shifted uncomfortably, his fingernails digging into Jack's arm. Then his hand slid up to tug at Jack's hair. He gasped, his breath mingling with Jack's, and his eyes were staring at him, open and honest and vulnerable._

_Jack thrust again and was rewarded with a low moan. "Let go," he whispered, stroking his thumb along Ianto's cheekbone. "Come on." He thrust again._

_Ianto bit his lip. Jack set a slow pace and then Ianto was suddenly nipping at Jack's bottom lip, seeking out a deep kiss. Jack cupped the back of Ianto's head and guided him into the kiss, moving faster. And Ianto started to move with him._

_"That's it," Jack gasped, grinning widely._

_Ianto tightened his legs around Jack's waist, pulling him closer, pulling him into another greedy kiss, panting Jack's name and Welsh words against his lips. It was wonderful, just how Jack wanted it to be. He dismissed Ianto's reluctance from the beginning from his mind, imagining all the things he could get up to with him instead._

_When Ianto got dressed half an hour later, Jack took his hand and pulled him into a short kiss goodbye. "Ianto Jones," he said, "I think this is the start of a wonderful friendship."_

_Ianto smiled weakly, obviously back to his quiet and shy self. "Yes, sir. Wonderful indeed."_

XXX

Ianto began to stir a couple of hours later. Jack raised his head from _The Lord of the Rings_ and watched Ianto wake up slowly. He could tell the exact moment Ianto was reminded of his injuries, because he pulled a face and cursed softly.

"Now, that's not nice," Jack said.

Ianto looked at him blearily. "Sir?" His eyes flitted to the digital clock on the DVD player and he raised his eyebrows. "Oh, God, I'm sorry," he said. "I fell asleep."

Jack smiled. "Yes, you did."

"Dinner..."

"Can be re-heated," Jack said calmly. He got up. "Ready to eat?" He returned the book to its place. When he turned back around to Ianto, he could see that the wall of awkwardness between them had been erected once more.

Ianto was holding the blanket in one hand, staring at it thoughtfully. "You tucked me in."

"I didn't want you to feel cold."

Ianto stared at the blanket.

Jack put his hands on hips and huffed out a breath. "No worries. I didn't touch anything you don't want me to touch."

Ianto raised his head. "I wasn't trying to imply..." He stopped.

Jack couldn't stand the silence. "Dinner," he said and fled for the kitchen.

XXX

_The water in the bucket was dark by now and Jack wondered if he should go and get a fresh load, but then he would have to leave Ianto alone and that wasn't what he wanted to achieve with this lesson. So he stayed where he was, leaning against the doorjamb to the room Ianto had kept Lisa hidden in, watching Ianto scrub the floor clean. The team had taken care of the conversion unit and the bodies, but Jack had sent them home when Tosh had asked who would clean the floor. Consequences. Ianto needed to learn them. He did so with an aura of grace that nothing – not his bloody hands, the dirty suit or the tears on his face – could suppress._

_When he got up half an hour later, the floor was clean, Ianto's trousers were soaked with dirty water and he picked up the bucket. Jack nodded and stood aside to let him pass. Ianto disposed of the water and rinsed out the bucket before putting it back in its proper place. Jack grabbed his arm und dragged him towards the cells._

_"Execution, sir?" Ianto asked._

_"No," Jack answered, "more consequences."_

XXX

"I wasn't trying to imply that you..." Ianto stopped himself again and raised his head from his half-empty plate. "I meant to thank you," he said finally.

"Thank me?" Jack asked. "What for?"

"For coming here...frankly, I didn't want to be alone tonight."

"You could have called."

"I didn't want to impose on your time off."

"You're not imposing."

They emptied their plates in silence and then just sat there for a few minutes. Ianto's kitchen was small, just enough space for some cupboards and counters, a fridge and a stove, but he'd managed to cram a table with two chairs into it as well.

Jack wished they would have eaten in the living room. The walls seemed to close in on him in this silence, choking him. To stop them, he said, "I didn't want to be alone, either. I nearly lost all of you today and...I guess I just want to make sure that it didn't happen." Ianto's hand strayed to his neck where a bandage hid the small mark the cleaver had left behind. Jack watched his fingers rub over the edges of the bandage. "Too close," he said and sighed deeply. "How come I do this again and again?"

Ianto looked at him questioningly.

Jack explained, "I swore to myself a long time ago that I wouldn't let anything come between me and the people I care about. No fight, no disagreement...I mean, there are fights. It's normal. It's just that I swore to myself I wouldn't hold a grudge in the aftermath, because life's too short...you never know what can happen."

"I don't understand," Ianto answered and there was haunted look in his eyes as if he felt bad for not making the connection.

Jack leaned back in his chair. "I want to forgive you. I...forgave you. I can't believe that I kept ignoring you."

"You didn't ignore me."

"I did...most of the time. When it wasn't just the two of us and after hours. We used to ... I liked to think that we used to have a good thing going on there before...Lisa. Friendship, companionship, whatever..." He smiled sadly. "I almost lost you today and you wouldn't have known ... I forgive you." He swallowed, feeling vulnerable. "And I miss you."

Ianto ducked his head. Jack could see his hands tremble. Ianto said softly, "It's my fault. I betrayed you."

"Yes, you did," Jack answered.

"I'm sorry," Ianto whispered.

"I know. Me, too."

Ianto shook his head. "You don't have to be. I did the wrong thing by not coming to you for help. I knew that something was wrong. It was too good to be true, that a healing would be possible. UNIT may be ruthless, but there was a reason they killed the half-converted Cybermen after the battle was over, and sometimes..." He swallowed. "Sometimes she was so cold as if she wasn't really there anymore. I just thought...I convinced myself..." He shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

"I'm not sorry for killing Lisa," Jack said softly. Ianto jerked his head up to look at him with his eyes wide. Jack pulled his shoulders up a bit, an aborted shrug. "I regret that I had to do it," he explained, "but I'm not sorry."

"Then what are you sorry for?" Ianto asked.

"For what happened after."

XXX

_Jack shoved Ianto into a cell and entered after him, closing the door and locking it with his wrist strap. Ianto turned around to him. All the energy seemed to have drained from his body and he just looked resigned and tired. He kept his gaze fixed onto Jack's boots. "What now?" he asked._

_Jack was so furious he could barely suppress the urge to hit Ianto. He balled his hands to fists. "How much of it was true?"_

_"What do you mean?" Ianto asked and if Jack hadn't been so angry, he would have been concerned because of the way Ianto's speech slurred. Exhaustion or concussion…Jack simply didn't care._

_He grabbed Ianto's collar and pushed him up against a wall. Leaning in close, he asked, "I let you fuck me. I fucked you. You told me that you wanted it and that you'd like to do it again. How much of it was true?" Ianto didn't meet his eyes. Jack sneered. "What? Lost your tongue?" He pushed closer, leaning his forehead against Ianto's temple, and hissed, "Suddenly shy?" He took perverse pleasure from Ianto trying to squirm away when his free hand settled on Ianto's waist. "Surely you wouldn't lie to me, Ianto?" His hand tucked up the shirt and settled beneath with a bruising grip. "Not where __**this **__is concerned."_

_"Let me go."_

_Jack shook his head. "Did you lie?" Ianto tried to turn away but Jack held him, reaching around to put his hand on Ianto's back, his fingernails digging into the skin. "Just one answer," Jack said, "and I'll let you go."_

_Ianto whispered something._

_"What was that?" Jack asked. His hand slid lower, beneath Ianto's waistband._

_Ianto whimpered and raised his hands to push Jack away, but his movements were sluggish at best. Definitely concussion._

_Jack forced one leg between Ianto's. "What did you say?"_

_"You're a monster."_

_"That's nothing new," Jack hissed, "and not an answer." He pressed his lips against Ianto's temple, a cruel pressure. "Tell me."_

_Suddenly, Ianto turned his head and his eyes met Jack's. "Do this and you're going to be a rapist as well ... if you haven't already raped me."_

_Jack felt like Ianto had backhanded him. He took a step back, not relinquishing his hold._

_Jack Harkness had done many despicable things in his life. He'd killed, cheated, tortured ... he'd never been called a rapist before and the implication that he could have read Ianto that wrong whenever they had ... he turned away and left the cell, slamming the door in his wake. He paused on his way upstairs and leaned against the wall, wiping tears from his cheeks. Disgusted with himself, with Ianto, with Torchwood…everything, he sank to the floor._

_He didn't move for an hour._

XXX

The water was hot, bordering on scalding as far as Jack could tell, but Ianto didn't seem to mind. He did the dishes with a precision and efficiency Jack found oddly comforting. He dried everything and put it away. When the last plate was back in its cupboard, the dishwater drained and the towel hung up, Ianto took Jack's hand, a bit hesitantly, but with a strong grip. "I wanted to sleep with you," he said. "In the cell ... I lied."

XXX

_"Suspension," Jack said and turned his head to look at Ianto who was sitting in the passenger seat, staring up at his flat. "As long as I see fit."_

_"A long time then?" Ianto asked. He looked at Jack, stone-cold blue eyes, reddened by tears Ianto had shed last night and while he'd cleaned up the Hub to prepare everything for his leave._

_"I don't know yet," Jack answered. "I'll check in with you everyday between four and six o'clock. Be home. When I can't make it, I'll call. If you're not there, I'll find you."_

_"Will you kill me if you do?" And he almost looked like he wanted Jack to say yes._

_Jack turned away, staring out the windshield at the street. "Go."_

XXX

The street lamps were painting orange smudges on Ianto's curtains and the telly was casting a blue-ish hue over everything. The only light on in the flat was the lamp in the kitchen, barely spilling through into the living room through the half-open door. It was late.

Ianto had told Jack that he didn't feel like going to bed and Jack had pretended not to be overly glad about that, since it meant that he would have company for a bit longer. The news was showing footage from the village in the Brecon Beacons for the hundredth time, reporting that a group of special ops officers had stopped the cannibals.

"I killed a man that night," Jack said suddenly and he didn't quite know why.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Ianto look at him.

"More than one," he finally answered.

"No, I don't mean when I barged into that house," Jack said. "I had to do that and the consequences ... the deaths; I can live with those because it was necessary." Ianto shifted his position, sliding closer and angling his body around to stare at Jack questioningly, giving him all his attention. Jack's eyes remained glued to the telly. "I wounded one of them, in the pub. I forced him to tell me what was going on and then I killed him. He was no danger to me or you or anyone else. He was hurt, could barely walk. I killed him because I was ... he scared me, telling me those things ..." He swallowed and finally looked at Ianto. "Guess I'm a monster after all."

He didn't expect Ianto to touch him. The cool skin of his hand brushed Jack's cheek and he slid even closer. "You were scared," he said softly. His hand strayed to Jack's neck and then his arm wrapped around him in an awkward hug. Jack pulled him closer, his arms around Ianto and his lips pressed to Ianto's temple. Ianto squirmed, obviously trying to find a more comfortable position. He leaned back and pulled Jack in until Jack's head was resting on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto sighed in relief and kissed Jack's scalp. "You're not a monster, you're human," he said.

Jack's lips strayed down to Ianto's neck, brushing against the rough bandage. His hand sneaked under Ianto's hoodie, caressing smooth skin. "Sometimes I think there's no difference."

Ianto pulled away a bit to look at him. His fingers tangled in Jack's hair. "There is," he answered firmly, then he kissed Jack; chastely, almost shyly. "We just need someone to remind us of that."

END

07/11


End file.
